Caring Doesn't Mean Having a Finger in Someone's Pie

Last week I met up with one of my best friends who has lived in the US for more than five years. Surely I had so many discussions on various topics for around two hours before his flight and the most fascinating issue is about a phenomenon of our citizens who tend to put someone in their shoes which is like a double-edged sword. It will be a little bit confused because since we were kids, our parents, our family, our teachers, and our society have thought us to care, understand, and empathize with others. Yet, in some cases, the behaviors are not suitable to be implemented and triggering negative effects. They forgot that we live in different backgrounds, terms, and conditions which mean currently more complex, advanced, and modernized.

Our conversation is started with his story when he arrived in Indonesia. His airport taxi driver had conveyed sarcastic language by mocking him as a salesman in the night market cause of his old luggage. I was merely giggling hearing his narrative. Perhaps he has been living overseas too long, then feeling startled with our people traits. It might be alright because he also just smirked responding to the driver and ruled out the mockery. Well, Most Indonesian residents tend to presume that someone who has stayed abroad for a long time will be more fashionable, trendy, and dressed up, in contrast, he just wore a casual T-shirt covered with a college jacket, jeans pants, and his nerd glasses, nothing's special, right? The question is should we express that first impression for a stranger who is also part of our people?

Furthermore, he continued with the second story which came from his friend called "Jack". Jack lost his mom a few days ago, then one of his close friends came to the funeral. Before leaving the cemetery, his friend patted on Jack's shoulder and told him that "You should be strong enough to stand on your own feet because I also experienced this similar awful condition by losing my beloved mom last year, I only need a week to recovery then back to the reality and everything gonna is okay soonest". Instead of feeling grateful for having a fine caring fellow, Jack felt so disrespectful and regretted his friend's advice. Did Jack reveal the faulty expression? Was Jack an unthankful person? Or can you find the supporting words?

Have you ever face a similar situation? What's your feeling? Does it make you feel comfortable? What will you do if you meet a stranger for the very first time or what will you say to your grieving colleague at a funeral?

Nowadays most Indonesian netizens (maybe we are one of them) are easier to impose their viewpoints, assess someone based on their standard, unveil their thoughts arbitrarily, and drop someone mentally and physically. Why they have to frankly judge someone's look and life? Will it make them happier and feel better? I don't know, but I think sometimes silence is better than saying bad words.

Well, our discussion leads us to an allegation that it has a strong relationship with social culture. For example, Americans are a community assumed as independent, liberal, and capitalist. They look indifferent and just focus on their own business. They do not want to interfere with someone's personal life even their family members and merely share their advice if asked. It's the values that they convince and embrace.

Meanwhile, Indonesians have a hereditary culture called mutual cooperation that encourages us to help and care for others. Sometimes, it does not place in an appropriate situation. In the name of sympathy, they provide perspective even though no one requests it, feel deserve to demand about someone's personal life, and annoyingly intervene in someone's life choice.

Both cultures are good as long exerted in proper conditions. Everyone lives in their preferences, historical backgrounds, and meanings. Everyone has their own way to heal their serious wounds, solve problems, and deal with difficulties.

We need to know the best time for putting ourselves in someone's shoes, involving ourselves if requested, presenting suggestions if asked, and revealing our thought if needed because caring doesn't always mean that we deserve to have a finger in someone's pie. Save and use our words and fellow feelings wisely!