Personal Insecurity Problem

When someone asked me "Zulvah, have you ever feel insecure about something?"

Without any doubt, I said "Absolutely yes, I have. What's going on?"

"How to deal with personal insecurity?"

"Well, let me tell you about my insecurity problem experiences in the past which I thought I'm quite successful to cope with. Yet, firstly, open your mind widely that every person has their own personal insecurity problems, and perhaps your insecurity aspects are considerably different from mine."

When I was in my university, I literally felt second-rate or inferior and somehow I had an abrupt stage fright when I had to face with ITB students (sorry to mention the educational institution). It was triggered by a number of reasons, mainly because of my failed exam to enter the college. At least, I had been trying to derive my dream but (sounds like) I had unrequited love, hahaha.

One of my life values is "I have to strive what I want and I'll get two possibilities which are a success or a fail, in contrast, if I decide to give up, I only have one possibility which is 100% failed and additionally, I will regret it throughout my life".

The rejection motivated me to show that I was able to be better without being part of the campus. Some of you will judge me how ambitious I am, that's understandable, but remember that everyone has their own ways to overcome their problems. In my sophomore, I joined a national-scale industrial engineering competition at the University of Indonesia which only 25 selected teams from over 200 universities in Indonesia will be invited to Jakarta and continue the next stage of the competition for a week.

The committee announced that my team and of course our paper was elected to compete with 25 best-selected teams. However, God hadn't allowed my team to become a winner, and consequently, we had to back home earlier. Interestingly, my roommates who come from ITB were nominated as the upper hand. It was kinda sad (sorry for my pure confession) because indeed it bolstered my insecurity about the campus deeper.

The following year, I attempted to attend the competition again. Long story short, my team was able to conquer the competition and achieved the 5th best team but the ITB team took the second-best nomination. LMAO, that was okay because the first winner came from my university too, yeah! At the time both of ITS teams are selected in the preliminary stage to be part of the 25 best teams. We did it! but (deep down inside) I didn't!

I still had an undeserved feeling. Was I not good enough? I would like to say "Nope" loudly. I merely need to endeavor vigorously to kill my insecurity. I didn't wanna have stage fright or stuttering mess anymore when I had to compete with ITB students. I just would be done with the feeling. I was really curious about myself how far I could survive and overcome my unlogical insecurity problem.

Furthermore, I continued to participate in a thousand national competitions, one of them is a business plan competition at Prasetya Mulya University. As the result, my team came out as the first winner which beat the ITB team. It was surely an indescribable feeling when ITB students shook hands and said to me "Congratulations".

Finally, I could say to myself "I was done" after more than two struggling years. Proving to myself that "Zulvah, you deserve to become more as long as you never stop trying".

Idk whether my experiences are suitable for your personal insecurity problems or not. But, I think the most horrible problem as a human creature during my entire life is if I have to deal with myself. I mean if the problems are caused by external, it's quite convenient to handle because we don't live in people's minds, you just need to close your eyes, cover your ears, follow your intuition, focus on your purposes, and importantly ask parent's and God's blessing. Yet, how if the problems come from yourself while you live in your mind and your body. You should give a distinctive treatment to yourself because no one else can understand you better than you yourself, right!

Lastly, keep moving forward!

I do convince that yes, you can!